The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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