just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
