the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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