made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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