If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
