I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
