If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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