i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
