I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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