im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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