Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
