You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
