yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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