So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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