It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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