I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
