ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
