My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
