my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
