Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
