i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
