If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
