She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
