I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
