i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
