i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
