you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
