It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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