I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
