i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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