and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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