I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
