Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
