Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
