So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
