I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
