So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
