Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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