she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
