Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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