Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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