I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
