How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
