Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize