Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
