You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
