I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
