i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
