May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
