I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
