Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
