They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
