I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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