You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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