and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
