I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
is it fun? or sober?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
