well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
