apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
