And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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