Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
