hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
