There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
