Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
