This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
