wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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