On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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