Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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