Taylor Swift is so right about you.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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