It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
