I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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