"it" just moved
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
