whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
