i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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