Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
