Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
