I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
