Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
