Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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