We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
