I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
