I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
