so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
