what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize