Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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