i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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